That. All. Changed. It’s great. It has dual time, a stopwatch, alarm, tells the date and day of the week, AND A FRIGGIN’ CALCULATOR. If you wear it tightly enough, you can feel your pulse. So it’s like an Apple Watch only it costs under $20, has a 3 year manufacturer’s warranty, and the battery lasts five years. Doesn’t send text messages, but you can write such words as ‘BOOBS’, ‘BOOBIES’, ‘BOOBLESS’, ‘BEES’, and ‘SHOE’. So if you’re a man of few words and your friend is right next to you, it’s basically the same as iMessage. Knocked off a star because the screen seems to lack some contrast. Not sure if it’s permanent or the battery is low. Can’t recharge the battery, so I don’t know.” – Ethan I bought it for a 4th of July party, thinking it would be a fun gag shirt. Little did I know, I pulled it out of the box and sank immediately to my knees and wiped tears of pure joy, and by “pure joy” I mean “pure Jack Daniel’s”. I strapped it on and my max bench press increased by 100lbs. I wipped the whiskey from my face, looked in the mirror, and in my reflection I saw him. George Washington.” – Danielle These are Satan. Bears. Myself and a few buddys, after laughing about some reviews, decided to buy some. Weapon storage was all it was. The package came a few days later, amd we chuckled and tried some. These mother frickers are fabulous. The taste is like having a package of skittles pee on your tastebuds. Truly astounding. So, as they are delicious, I decided to eat a few more. And then some more. Nothing really happened that night. A little bloating, some discomfort, nothing to fret about. So, praising the nine that I must have been one who can tolerate the sugar substitute, when i got to work the next day, i sat down with a bowl and chowed down. That night. Oh God forgive that night. I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasnt experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing. When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true. Eat two at a time. Three if you’re brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE.” – Aaron After my first fender bender, I decided it was best to roll down the window and stick my head out to see the road, but even that is hard because my eyes and mouth dry out very quickly. Since then, I have purchased some swimming goggles and a snorkel which has helped out tremendously during long drives. Overall I would recommend this product, but only for those who are good at driving without being able to see the road.” – Joshoohuhh Yes, you only get a gallon’s worth for your $45, but a little goes a long way. You will find that a simple 1 fl oz portion is enough to sooth the soul and mend broken bones. Some people also carry a thimble-full to ward off demons and angry trolls. But a word of warning: ensure that the container is placed in its own refrigerator. It does not tolerate the presence of lesser liquids well, and has been know to banish them to Helheim.” – Jim Jagielski When the package arrived, I opened it with my left hand and began to realize there was a strange tingling sensation in my right hand! Suddenly it rushed forth through my entire body. When it hit my head I saw God! When this sensation ended, I looked at my old, dead hand and, lo! and behold, it was still deformed. But the shirt fits really well.” – Christopher Parizo That said, there is still vast room for improvement. Plot wise, there isn’t really much suspense, and the story can be incredibly repetitive. In like four chapters, he just rewords the same basic story over and over again. To top that off, he puts those chapters one right after the other. Like we wouldn’t notice! I like the whole Jesus character, but let’s face it, the whole good guy martyr thing has been done before. There was no need to devote so much of the book to that guy.” – W. Christian CONS: I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN 72 HOURS. I CANT FEEL MY FACE. I PEED THIS MORNING AND I’M PRETTY SURE IT WAS 99% BLOOD. PROS: I’VE DEEP CLEANED MY ENTIRE APARTMENT. I CAN READ MINDS. SUPER BIG GULP=44OZ, 5 HOUR ENERGY=2OZ. THAT MEANS I DRANK 22 5 HOUR ENERGYS IN LESS THAN 2 MINUTES. 22X5=110 HOURS OF ENERGY. GOD HELP ME.” – Penfifteen Woke up this morning to find that my Guardian Angel had shattered. The inside was slimy and green. Moments later, heard a skittering sound behind some furniture. Found that during the night, phone lines had been cut, and all the doors and windows are shut with some kind of Super Glue like substance. My cell phone has been smashed. I can’t get out. It didn’t cut the cable internet, so I’ve got online to warn you, don’t buy the guarslkdj;al b bbbbbbbbbbbbbb,,,,,,,,,,,wke;lj feeling better now. Everything is fine. I will be sending a Guardian Angel to all of it’s friends, family, neighbors, and associates. All humans must get one. Five stars. The most relaxing experience ever. I will never have another worry ever again after buying this product, and you will feel total fulfillment in service of a force infinitely greater than yourself. Buy it. You will never know pain after you feel the slight pinching at the back of your skull.” – A Trustworthy Human
